Poem: A Letter To The Love Of My Life

Hey Love,

I don’t know what do I call you,
I never felt comfortable
Calling you by your name.
I hope you’re reading this,
Cause there’s no other way

Through which I can tell you

How much I’ve loved you,

And how much I love you.

The first day I met you,

I felt like I found that anonymous soulmate 

About whom I had written earlier.

You came in front of me

Exactly like I had thought you would,

Suddenly and when I expected the least.

I don’t know how and when

I fell in love with you.

May be it was when 

I was enjoying my first cup of tea of the day

And you were staring at me from the corner.

Or may be it was when 

I was behind you on your bike for the first time

On that cold winter evening 

That my hands were freezing 

And you asked me to put them in your pockets

And I hesitantly and happily glided them in.

Or may be it was when you were comfortable 

To share your weaknesses with no one but me.
Or when all we talked about was,

How much we both loved Chanchlani.
Or when you called me early in the morning 

In that tea shop around the corner

To have our first cup of tea of the day

Although you were running late for college.

Don’t fall in love too fast they said.

Don’t fall in love too deep they said.

Do not start getting too serious you said.

But I refused to listen to all of them

And all that you said

And did exactly what I was asked not to.

Because for me, you were the one,

The one with whom I felt safe like never before,

With whom I felt complete like never before,

With whom I felt loved like never before.

Today, I feel like 

The entire universe is against us.

Even you seem to be against us,

And the whole world seems to be crashing.

Never have the stars ever been in our favor.

I do not know if I’ll ever see you again,

Or whether I’ll stay alive with this pain

In my heart that doesn’t know how to smile 
When you are not around.

If you’re reading this,

And if you know that it’s you,

I’m sorry, my love.

I do not have enough strength 

To fight against the universe that has you as well.

I lost all of it when you walked away.

This doesn’t mean I’ve loved you any less.

I have loved you and I love you 

More than anything else.

One thing I promise, however.

If we ever meet again in the future,

Be it after ten or fifty years

Or in entirely another life,

I will love you better.

Even if I’ll have to fight 

Against the entire universe that also has you

In order to be with you,

And will make you stay longer and forever.

And may be I will have more courage,

And I will learn the language of the universe

To straight up tell you

How much I love you,

Rather than writing a poem about it.

-Martina Dhana Gautam